Posts tagged #aspirations

attempt (n).

2ea5daabb1427cb2e25e1c50433293baInside of me there is a rumbling. There is a lot of fear and a lot of dreams, and it keeps me from sleep, it wakes me up when the light in my room is still grey. I sat down the other day and wrote down everything I'm afraid of, and it became clear that I may just be afraid of everything, but I am learning a new song; I hear it on the sidewalks of this city and in that space when I find myself holding my breath, and the words go, "try, try, try."

 

chromatic (adj).

c546a523b3254e609c6bc722738d41b7If we were all colors, I wonder which one I'd be. I'd hate to be opaque, with no chance of anything going through me, or any sort of inky blue (as nice as it looks on a wall), leaving smudgy marks on everyone, like the smudge on the outer side of my left hand when I write letters. I don't think I am anywhere close to Red; I am far too pensive and hesitant. I am closer to water, but not like rain; I am too soft for the ocean and too much a tempest to be a still lake. I'd like to be colorful enough to leave something, like a glimmer, but not fussy like a diamond. If someday I could be the color of a spark, which is embodied in the start of a little mischief, and also when standing on cliffs and hills and mountains; that switch in my stomach when you step on a plane, and the gleam of the sun on the bedroom wall to hint at the morning, and the way it burns just before peaking back over the horizon for the night; the flicker in your eye when you see something lovely; to be a spark would be enough for me.

summary (n).

af789d233d7dddcd1abe9e276f217d4cI can only hope that, at the end of my life, these would be the things that people would remember of me: that she was kind and inclusive, making room in the conversation; that she was honest and open, authentic, not fake or frigid; that she was adventurous in her own way (or at least often tried her hardest to step out on a limb); and, more than anything, that she tried, and she tried every day.