Posts tagged #Pursuit

pursuit (n).

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I had a dream of greatness
I had a vision that my life would include
noble ambition and impressive
pastimes. I had a dream of notoriety
and confidence that the things I chose
to do were the right things, full of courage
and boldness.

No one told me about
the late nights and sleepless mornings
no one told us about the sore muscles and
calloused hands. No one mentioned
the dirt on my tired clothing and
the secret art of crunching numbers and
sharing last night’s dinner for supper
again and all of the wondering if
we would make it to month’s end.

No one told me
about my heart, pulled in
all ways, my mind, spinning
like a top at the edge of a table.

No one told me
that the dream that was
planted would
grow in this way. 

You will find me
living my dream
with my hair messy and
my children laughing,
with projects half open
and half finished,
with eyes clear and
hands full and heart
living in the light.

strive (v).

b27f260822dcf2004a019172664b28a4-1We need to disembark from the desperate need to be happy. We've been misled in this "pursuit of happiness," when it is really a pursuit of wholeness that we are thirsty for. It is the pursuit of happiness that leads us to fill up any quiet moment, and sends us flailing when faced with any loneliness. We fill space and time with noise and bodies, it mimics the idea that we might not be alone. It is the pursuit of happiness that tells us that "we will be happier if...", and fill in the blank: "We will be happier if we were skinnier." "We will be happier if we have more money." "We will be happier if we wear these uncomfortable shoes." It is the pursuit of happiness that leads us to cut ties with anything that is not currently serving us. Who are we to think everything should conspire for our contentment? Who are we to think we deserve a free walk? Who are we to think we are exempt from sweat on our brow and dirt on our feet? We do this in a relationship when we end it because it gets hard, we do this professionally when we feel we're not seen or heard, we do this in the coffee shop line when the barista is taking too long.

It is however in the pursuit of wholeness that we learn to quiet ourselves and listen hard: listen intently and urgently to what ignites our hearts; listen intently and urgently to those who have gone before us and know how it's done; listen intently and urgently for opportunities to participate in something wild and reckless, that will erupt our bodies in savage laughter.

It is in the pursuit of wholeness that we learn to sit in our mistakes: we learn to sit in the discomfort without fidgeting and so quickly trying to adjust and change; we learn to sit with those who slowly talk about everything or nothing, who slowly walk wherever they're going (or go nowhere), who slowly learn, and we learn how to love them through it anyway; we learn how to sit on the windless water, under a blaring sun that blisters the skin on our shoulders, not rowing, but waiting for hours and days for the wind to come.

It is in the pursuit of wholeness that we learn to honor our loneliness: we honour our loneliness by not trying to change it, by welcoming it in like a weary traveler looking for shelter, we honour it by accepting it, and by accepting it, learning that in loneliness there is too a gift, of discovering your own Self as your friend.

And it is the pursuit of happiness that, when we go to the water, tempts us to shout to the sea "I will learn to tame you!". It is the pursuit of wholeness that brings us to sit on the edge of the shore, and accept our tiny stature in comparison to its vast expanse, and not be shaken by the fact that we could so easily be swallowed up forever with just the slightest brush of the ocean's hand.

satiate (v).

9fc6aab75a13b54c417f04a97ada2da9Here is what I want: not lavish things. I want to quit meeting dreams with a heavy sigh and all of this pausing, and I want to build, I want to play, I want to try.  I want a full heart and a tired body from working hard each day. I want swelling passion and blazing adventure. All I want is all that I can get, all and everything, all the beauty and freedom and sweet singing into open skies.