cipher (n).

0c5a68fb4b57859f30d51748ceb012f5If, at the end of it all, I find out this silly longing is all for naught: [I will probably have a deep, bellowing cry, and drink a lot of wine, and then] I will be proud that I have searched and combed the earth for a love deep enough to keep me peeking at the edge of the road, rounding each corner, getting on another plane, staying up at night trying to wrap my head around it. I have experienced this beautiful privilege: to be moved enough by a virtue that it would call my heart so far and so wide, to inspire word and song, to give my mind a meadow in which to drift to when I nod off to the sweetest dream.