wish list.

MOSTLY. I want to feel again. The simple joy of being a Child and looking at the sky and having warm grass under my feet and how could this day be any better. I want to remember what it's like to Love without any awareness of the cost [heartache. disappointment. snappy comments to the happy couple. wrinkles.]. I want to spend a month in Italy, gaining weight and gaining Joy. I want to talk to old couples on benches, surely they know a hell of a lot more about life than I do. I want to go on a trip with just a backpack and a surfboard. I want to laugh a lot, eyes closed, catching my breath, so much so that people stop, puzzled by my funny existence [why aren't we all like that?]. I want to [finally!] go to Haiti and have every pre-conceived notion about Life and Living kicked to the curb and learn What Life Is Made Of. I want to travel with a notebook and pen and a polaroid camera and write down people's stories. I want to give more and worry less and live with less which is more [it's a riddle, can I solve it?]. I want to forever live in the paradox that I am strong when I am weak because He is strong when I am weak. I want to learn to cook and get over the fact that the grocery store is the last place I want to go after a 9 hour shift at a job I passionately dislike. I want to find a job I don't passionately dislike, and learn how to be passionate there in the meantime. I want to write a book, what oh what do I have to say. I want to build a house with a key under the mat come in stay awhile, I'll take care of you. I want to be a band-aid and glue and a quiet room and a blank piece of paper way more often. I want fresh flowers on the table. I want to become a story teller, to have stories because I stopped and paused and observed,because I stopped and paused and listened. I want to take more lessons and give up less easily, because some of the best stuff comes when it hurts. I want to go to more friends' shows and plays and awards ceremonies, and bring a sign, probably with glitter, probably with crooked letters. I want to ride a bike. I want to be tired from doing nothing less and tired from doing everything more. I want to read the 30 books lining the walls of my tiny, overpriced room. I want to post a big, giant, neon sign above my head that says, "it's okay I'm Lost and a Mess and Searching too." I want to stay up to watch the sunrise and make breakfast for all of my friends, make GOOD breakfast for all of my friends. I simply want to venture out on the limb of risking it all for the Love of others, for the Love of it all, and I want to do that with you.

Posted on March 18, 2010 and filed under from jess-.