until we Loved.

"Before him?" she repeated. "OH [sigh], I guess it was grand. There was joy of course,but there was a quietness and a stillness of the heart like a window letting in the glorious sun but no one is awake yet. There was some sort of shadow of love; only breadcrumbs before the cake. There was laughing and sunsets and sitting on patios with friends talking about whatwillitbelike and howwillweknow." She stirred her tea for the eighth time, picked up her toast and put it down again. "It's funny to look back now, to think of the prayers and the dates and the heartache and thinking you've found it when you really haven't at all and wondering why it couldn't be easier, why couldn't he just appear, and yet. It's like everything is a marker and an arrow that prepared us for the very moment, and finally Love kissed us on the forehead and finally let us start, and all of those moments, the bright and full and terrible and aching, they all became more real after him. Like when you put on glasses for the first time or put on a new camera lens or eat European chocolate for the first time- you thought you knew [how could it be any better], but it is better. There's something about feeling deeper and coming up with as much Love for someone as possible; Everything becomes deeper and higher and lower and farther and closer."I am now seeing that it is all a rehearsal, these are all lessons and maps and codes to prepare us [GET READY.] for this adventure and this recklessness of Love. So you just keep moving, Duck. You keep plowing and sowing and moving and one day something is going to throw a brick through your window and sound the alarm and send you off. Don't forget to grab your coat and hat."

Posted on March 10, 2010 and filed under writing-.