Do we all feel this: worry that we are too much? How often do we feel we must dumb ourselves down, shut ourselves up, close ourselves off? Often I feel I have too many feelings, too many thoughts, too many words. Often I feel I want too much. It's not that I want a bigger or a different plot of land, I just want to have a garden, full, with lush and lovely blooms, with wild vines and trees of solid oak, with sweet fruit and hearty food, roots that grasp and plunge deep, wrapped tight and far into the earth. I don't want a different plot of land. I just want it all to grow.
I want few things, but they are all unlikely [to make manifest my songs, my writing, your heart, to summarize]. And I am wondering if that makes me irresponsible to go after one or most of them. I am gripped by the uncertainty so much that it makes it all seem foolish. But then there are the moments of being so sure: when I forego sleep and uncover a new story inside of me, when I lose a whole day to write another song that captures a former fleeting thought, after walking all of the sidewalks of this city with you. Those moments bring the same assurance as the earth hinting at summer weather (it will surely come), taking a flight without a plan (it will surely be grand), drifting on a boat in the middle of the lake (this is surely where you are meant to be).
What else should we be doing except fighting ferociously for what sets our hearts on fire?
[This question has been stuck in my head for weeks, and I feel like everything is echoing it around me].