slough (v).


I relate to the trees at this time of year,
the way they are spilling and shedding;
what a grand spectacle they make out of
the act of letting go. They do it not
with floods but fire, they do it not
quietly but in a chorus of rustling, they do it not
swiftly, rather one branch at a time,
releasing, setting it down, laying to rest
anything that no longer serves them.

redirect (v).


I’m not sure what I dream about anymore –
there is the song, written and then forgotten,
there is the matter of home, wherever that is,
there is the love that I was banking on, and he
found a life in another land.  

Where does it come from, the new vision,
and how will it arrive?

I have sat at the altar and prayed.
I have dyed my hands in ink and waited
in the meantime for the muse.
I have built a home within myself.
I have, in the meantime, loved others.
I have filled my body with straw and string
ready to turn to fire at any time.

memo (n).


I know that currently it feels like
even the air doesn’t belong
to you but know that
every corner of the world
is yours, every
dream that catches
your eye and lights
your spirit, they belong,
just as your thumb
and its print are yours,
just as
the love you
hope for
has been there waiting since
your very first breath.

fluent (adj).


I try to write and can’t, it’s stuck
below the rock in my stomach and
the pebbles that line my throat and
the sand that fills my head.

I look out to the trees for some kind of truth.
I look out to my neighbours walking and wonder
if they have more answers than I do.
I look down into my coffee cup and appreciate
its loyalty and powers. I look to my mother
and ask if I’m doing the right thing. I look to
my hands and ask them to write anyway.

locked (adj).


I worry I might get stuck in the place
that I go where the impossibilities
build a casing around me and the choir
of my doubt drowns out the sound of reason.

You catch it often, I get there in a flash
with the tilt of my head and the crease
in my brow and you say where did you go and
how can I get you back?

Keep calling, I want to be back
in the land of the living and back
in the golden hour of your love.

westward (adj).


In packing up I am thinking about
the things we take with us and
what we leave behind. What do
I take with me, these belongings
that have paid into my façade of
togetherness, the blankets that
have warmed me, the letters and
books that taught me to feel? 

I don’t recognize the wildness in me,
this woman who is unafraid of
setting it all on fire and skipping
town, I get giddy at times, what fun
to have just a bag and everything
that I carry with me in this itchy heart.    

readily (adv).


Don’t forget about
The Gift, which sits,
ready and waiting,
in the landing of
your being, rooted
to your veins, fueled
by your laughter, ignited
by the fire in your eyes, nourished
simply by the breaths you take.

You do not have to
wait for any particular
call to greatness to
partake in what it
has planned for you.

physiology (n).


I carry it on my body, all
the words you spoke to me:
in my knees’ ligaments are
all the times you asked for patience, 
and above my brow are the
words you said as you stood
by my door, about to leave;
here in the wrinkles of my
fingers are a count of
every word you didn’t say
but I could see them in your eyes,
and my palms hold the
way you first said I love you
(nervous and sad),
and here in the curve of
my ribs are the words
you spoke to tell me
all the ways I let you down.

At night I lower myself into bed and
I feel the creaks in my joints,
achy from your cadence.
In the morning I rise and
feel all the dreams we made
rustling through my hair.

pattern (n).


At first I didn’t recognize our love because
it wasn’t masked by something else, it wasn’t
muddied with requirements, it wasn’t
latched onto past hurts, it wasn’t
compensating for our disappointments, it wasn’t
demanding a particular response, it wasn’t
accompanied by a list of my faults, it wasn’t
heavy from expectation.  

It was just waiting for us like
the morning waits, with delicate curiosity,
patient as I stumble to the kitchen
to put the kettle on.

attempt (v).


What do I have to say for this life?
I have tried to make soft and beautiful things
I have tried to get to work on time
I have tried to be a good daughter
I have tried to get together for dinner
I have tried to understand
I have tried to see some of the world
I have tried to get myself to the ocean
I have tried to worry only about the important things
I have tried to love you
I have tried to not love you.

incoherent (adj).


This isn’t coming naturally, these words,
dusted off and dirty
my vision, blurred and averted
my heart, haggard and tired. 

This doesn’t feel brave, this work
of feeling, this work of
making sense of the world through
line and lyric, this work of
paying attention. 

The cab driver tells me
I wish I could write, you guys
get to be the narrators
of our times.

I should invite him in to see
the desk that greets me with
pages full of nonsense and
this mind full of sand, I could
pour us some scotch and we
could have a good laugh
at what the history books
will say next.

accumulate (v).


The things you left have become relics
of our love. You were surgical
about returning my belongings,
all at once and neatly.

Meanwhile I keep
the jar you filled with whiskey
that we brought to the winter market,
meanwhile one of your socks is mingled
in with mine in the drawer,
meanwhile the microwave stays at
1:17 from the morning you warmed
your coffee after it sat.

Where do I keep it all, the things
that belonged only to us?

disclaimer (n).


Everyone thinks they want to
be in love with the artist in me until
they realize that I will leave
the doors unlocked so the muse can
come when they please and flood
the house with the river
that runs through me, I will leave
for the forest of my thoughts and
stay there for weeks, I will wade
into the mud on our way to the
party and show up with dirt caked
to the bottom of my shoes, I will
dig, deep into the soft place of
your being, the place you keep
your secrets and your
disappointments, I will ask you
to tell me the story of how
you came to be again and
again, I will ask you to look at
the difficult and the dire, late at night
when it is the time for sleeping and
early as we are just trying to wake
and in the car on our way to
visit your mother and I will
bring home with me strays and
scraps, I will do all this without
ceasing, I will do all this when
it is not convenient or helpful, I will
do all this when I don’t even
want to, and yes it is
exhausting, and yes I am
exhausted, but
I am here,
making, and
there is
no other way.

Posted on October 13, 2018 .