discord (n).

we are trying to make sense
but there is no sense to be made
mad, its all madness
I catch myself grasping
desperate, in the night, to my love
and often, to the voice of my mother
to the kindness of friends
and the goodness of strangers
and what I know to be true:
there is more, surely
to this world we live in
than madness and fury
there too is goodness
somewhere, surely, somewhere. 

eavesdrop (v).

I didn't hang up after we made our plans and said goodbye just to see what you do in your quiet. It was four seconds before the call cut out, you sang-whispered under your breath, I bet while tapping the steering wheel with your pointer finger. It was four seconds and nothing much but made me see that even when you're alone I like being with you. 

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Posted on September 18, 2015 .

we released an album today.

My band Fitness Club Fiasco released our album MODERN THOUGHT today. This project has taken a few years to make, interrupted and influenced by falling in love and then a wedding, two babies, a heart surgery, a brain tumour, a successful mayoral campaign, a few break ups (oops), the evolution of Hendo's beard, a spoiled Led Zeppelin t-shirt frozen on a driveway, a lot of pizza, one kick of the can at a radio competition, perfect and fitting artwork from our pal and expert woodsman Scott Hunt, and tireless and magical work from our secret weapon Mark Underdown that have made this album what it is. 

We all feel so proud of this album, what it represents, and what it's become. We are so grateful to everyone who has cheered us on, supported us through our indiegogo campaign, voted for us during Searchlight, paid cover at one of our shows (and attended overandoverandover again), paid for one of those robot t-shirts, shared our music with their friends - MODERN THOUGHT wouldn't be what it is without you.

You can stream (and purchase, WINK) our album here.  

[Album art for MODERN THOUGHT by Scott Hunt. Photo of FCF by Jan Douma].


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I've been spending a lot of time thinking about Space. What takes up my space, meaning apartment, meaning thoughts, feelings, time (schedule, work, time off, people). I've been thinking about what I want all of those spaces to feel like. I've been a madwoman spring cleaning all figurative and literal corners and closets. Obsessively fixing the couch cushions, adjusting the lighting, examining my schedule and what I give my energy and focus to (I'll give you a hint, it's pretty lopsided right now).

I've been thinking about the space I take up, my posture and shadow, my fingerprint and echo. What is it I want to do with this plot of land? What is it I want to do with the light I have?

Maybe it's that it's September. Or just that it's time. 

The summer has been spent at beaches watching the dog swim and playing entourage at rock shows, festivals and horse racetracks, following around a certain band. It's been spent in rehearsal for FCF and starting an unusual side business and at weddings and around dinner tables, everywhere and nowhere in particular, that regular summertime blur that takes over. I don't know if it's the heat or longer days or what but I don't get a lot of creative work done in summer. I've done a tiny bit of writing, but it eeks out of me so slowly it barely feels like I have a pulse. I've realized that's just how summer feels and I like it that way, simple and bright and quiet. 

I've decided to take a year off of school (enter huge sigh of relief). I've started to play around with my word project collection and try to turn some of them into songs as a writing exercise, and to trick myself into getting back to songwriting (does anyone else have to do that? Why does it feel so scary? Maybe we can continue to talk about that). 

Lots of exciting stuff is on the way (like, tomorrow, my band's album is released. Not bad for starters). Thanks for joining along. 


expecting (adj).

there was a seed planted and
the soil was well kept
the sun shone fondly and
the water made a soft bed.

we have waited
and prayed
we got up at dawn
we dug our nails into the dirt.

this keeps us up all night: we did everything right. 

we look to our neighbours: mary, how does your garden grow?

what life is this
except to give new life
and find life
in the middle of an empty field. 

simultaneous (adj).

here is what there is to say about the lost and the living:

are we not both
saved and
being saved

are we not both
cracked and

are we not both
tied and 
free to go

are we not both
burdened and

are we not poor
in our wealth
but perhaps rich
in health
in vision
in hope
in Love

at any given time
are we not
incredibly confused
and also
incredibly lucky?

Scoop up your mess and
put it out in the yard
all of our closets look the same. 

Are we not all
trying to get to work on time
waking up tired
buying coffee for a lover
feeding the children
asking questions with no answers
making a life
and a name
in how beautiful
this all makes the task of breathing?

misuse (n).

did we know what we were doing
and what was even said
in all of that talking we do
what do we think we're getting done
do we think
with all our pacing
and timing
and editing
and editing again
with all of our strategies
and hesitating
and waiting
and holding back

and withholding

with all our over sharing
with all our imposing
with all our littering and tearing down and
all our waiting in line.

we spend a lot of time
doing not much at all. 
we spend a lot of time
looking away from
and only looking to
and not looking at
anything ripped with tragedy
but also anything completely magnificent.

how often do we miss it
how small we are
and how beautiful it is
to be here, together

selah (n).

often I think about the Maker
and lately:
is this what you had in mind?

do You worry
about the way it's all leaning
and the way it appears to be going
and all the things we do
to keep ourselves busy
to keep ourselves feeling important
to keep ourselves feeling like we are in control

what do You see
in us
and do You see
 what's to come?
and what kind of story are you writing
why such an epic
and why all the secrets
and why
must we flail around so?